Kena is about to turn one and I find myself literally in disbelief. I know I have said this before but I feel like I have missed something. Like half of her first year vanished before my eyes and I missed it. It feels like she should only be 8 or 6 months not 11. I feel like I didn't examine every little aspect of her first year the way I did for Kya.
Kena has added a joy to my life I never knew I needed. She is the best cuddler and hugger ever. She gives me kisses and hugs when she wakes up in the morning without being prompted or asked. She is always smiling and loves to explore. She is a quiet soul and only cries when she is really hungry and tired. She is a flirt and coy, loves her daddy bunches.
She loves lollipops, bugs, and anything Kya is playing with. She follows her sister around like a puppy dog and demands equality. If Kya has it or is eating it.. SO IS SHE!
Now here is the question... am I done? Am I done having kids? I don't really feel done. I feel like I should have one more, or maybe even two. Realistically I think I should be done. I have two hands, I can carry two, two seems like a realistic number. My heart wants more. I am getting to old, to tired and lets face it my body STILL hasn't bounced back from Kena. I really do not want to see what will happen if I have another. There is the whole c-section thing... ANOTHER C-SECTION! uggggggggg I was afraid the whole time with Kena I would die. SO there is that too....
I wish I would of started younger some days.... but then I would not be the same parent. I am a much more mature, patient, and giving mother than I would have been at lets say 21. So while I wish I would have started younger it is only because then I would have 4! Sooooooo that is where I am. I want more, but I don't want more. ohhhh the insanity of it all...\
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3 comments:
I would have loved to have had another baby. My magic number was always 3 (two boys, one girl) - that is what I had always envisioned myself having. But. Eh. Life happens. So, we are done. While I wish I had been a little younger when I started having children, I know what you mean - I would have been horrible mother in my 20s. I was way too selfish and self-involved.
You are such a great mom and I totally get wanting more part of me is done and another part can't fathom not nursing another baby ever again.
I question myself all of the time on these things. I hope you find the answer. :-)
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